i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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