when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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