So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
