he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
