I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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