He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize