he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
