The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
