I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
