Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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