thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
