He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
