Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
