im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
