I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
