no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
