Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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