i need an iv and a liver transplant
vagina is talking i cant
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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