he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize