I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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