Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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