my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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