gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
