A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
