So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize