I am spending my child support on dildos
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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