Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize