I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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