Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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