i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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