Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
