Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
