Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
