if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
