Already got asked if we're dating
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
