Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
