So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
