Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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