fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Randomize
