Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
