I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
