My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
