Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
