His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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