What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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