$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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