my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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