its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's blow job season.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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