She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
