All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
