I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize