I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
