the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
