don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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