i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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