peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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