I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
