how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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