Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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