when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We have started to decorate penises.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
