This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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