Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
