return my video game
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
