hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
