Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cat gives me a boner
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
