Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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