this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize