I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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