She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
