I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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